You resonate with (or are turned on by) people whose vibrational energy is similar to yours.

Barbara De Angelis

The book by the name, Are You The One For Me?, written by Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., brought to light some interesting notions about relationships. I dusted it off during my new-year house-cleaning, scanned it, and it got me thinking. (Very timely. Nevermind its archaic publishing date of 1992.) If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ll know I often differentiate ‘relationships’ from ‘love’. They are not one in the same. One may beget the other, but they remain separate concepts.

Love is a conscious state of being. It can be expressed in a variety of different ways and is found everywhere, even alone. Love needs no partner; it just is. A relationship is an earthly pairing of two or more entities. The connections formed therein—be it between parent and child, friend and friend, lover and lover, or man and dog—can be expressions of love.

Healthy relationships require mutual consideration and respect. Love, on the other hand, requires no physical expression to exist.

Energy: The Root of Relationships

The author, Barbara De Angelis, speaks of vibrational energy as the reason we’re attracted to people; the reason we form relationships with another. Analogous to the way we respond to music: a soundwave vibrates against our body’s own energy to create an effect—one of enjoyment, rage, excitement, sadness, disgust, beauty, or peace. We enjoy listening to sounds (music) with which our system resonates, De Angelis writes. And just as sound gives off energy, so do people. She goes on to categorize these recognizable vibrations:

Your physical vibration is the sum of everything you do to your body with food, cigarettes, drugs or alcohol, exercise, or sex, and can also be affected by strong mental or emotional vibrations.

Your mental vibration is the sum of all your thoughts, judgments and beliefs.

Your emotional vibration is the sum of all your feelings, past and present, including all your emotional programming.

Your spiritual vibration is the sum of your sense of peace with yourself and your world, your spiritual philosophy, as well as a reflection of all your other vibrations combined.

I could expound more on each area of vibration, but we’ll save that for a later post.

Your spiritual vibration is the one most immediately accessible to anyone who meets you, because it remains the sum of all your experiences, beliefs, emotions, etc.

This vibration manifests itself as approachability or aloofness. It manifests as charm and charisma, captured instantly in a smile or a stare—usually the thing that maintains steady interest longer than just mere good looks.

You may have felt you were drawn to someone for the first time as if you knew him forever. Or you felt so intrigued by someone that you longed for a conversation over lunch. Then, like a loyal k-9, physical attraction follows closely behind. Or it doesn’t. Physical attraction (the physical vibration resonance) shouldn’t be mistaken for compatibility anyway. “Physical attraction is one element of a compatible relationship, but it alone will not be enough to make you and your partner compatible,” De Angelis advises. Compatibility requires a resonance in all the categories—a luring from all four aspects of a person.

Wherever, however, whatever the allure, you will feel a strong desire to be around this person that speaks to your energies. They may make you feel vibrant with passion and life. Essentially, we’ll be turned on by that person. Where it leads from there takes on a myriad of expressions.

It can result in a great business relationship, bonded friendship, brief love affair, or life-long marriage.

“When you find yourself sexually attracted to someone, it probably means the two of you have very similar vibrations in one or more areas,” De Angelis says.

Relationships: Like Attracts Like

So, when pairing yourself with another, you’re combining two frequencies, two wavelengths. They may come together harmoniously, or there may be a jarring of energies that presents conflict. Reality is, that harmony or conflict mirrors your own energy—that person is a mere reflection of yourself. Whatever you butt up against, you might find you need to work that particular energy—namely, a negative one—out of your system.

You can use the relationship formed with this new person with his own energy pattern to learn more about yourself. What you find abrasive in him, or tender, will be what’s found (or lost) in you. Whatever your energy pattern, you will attract a complement.

All in all, we resonate with people whose vibrational energy is similar to ours. Just like magnets, like attracts like. We’re drawn to those like us in any one of the aforementioned categories. Why do you fall for the same type of man? Why do you always get involved with clingy women? Why do we act like our mothers or behave like our fathers?

Here’s why. That resonance speaks to an energetic attraction. That attraction, although encompassing primarily similarities, can mean there are also disparities between you two in any one of the vibration categories.

A ‘disparate attraction’ represents an area needing your attention. Via your connection formed with this person, areas are brought to light that you two relate on in some way or another. So the question arises, do you need to remove yourself from a particular recurring complementary energy pattern in order to enrich your own energies? Or do you need more of what that other person offers to further fortify a weakened physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual area within yourself? If it’s the absence of a mother, then the other partner might be mothering.

If it’s an addiction problem, then the other might be adamantly sober. You see, attraction works like puzzle pieces. The energy in a certain area, depleted or abundant, scouts its match. (Life is a bit like a science project, isn’t it? A chemistry experiment?)

Because compatibility demands all four vibrations be magnetic, whatever vibration is lacking upon first introduction can be bolstered into a more contributive part of the relationship with time. Say the physical attraction isn’t there at first. Sharing thoughts and feelings with one another may give way to a mental and emotional resonance that sparks an eventual sexual resonance.

Attraction is less about appearance, and more about who he is when he’s with you and how you feel about yourself with you’re with him. For compatibility to be clear, there will be an attraction to the whole person—however gradual that might arise. Immediate attraction doesn’t necessarily equate to longevity. Allowing the time to get to know someone is in our best interest for the long-term relationship.

In getting to know that person, we’re given the opportunity to learn more about ourselves. We just have to look in the right direction. Inward. Time and space give us a chance to explore how we are with this person: do my insecurities creep up when I’m with him; do I seek rebellion when I’m with him; do I feel the most ‘alive’ I can feel around him? And so on.

Rather than pointing fingers and dissecting a person for flaws, look at your reactions, your nuances and your end of the conversation. Are you hearing your own music? Anything play like a broken record?

Healthy relationships begin with our awareness of the energy we emanate. They present the greatest opportunity for rebirth and growth. They require continuous, deliberate effort…as we are works-in-progress.

Adjust the tuning of your own symphony in order to create the harmony you seek.

    3 replies to "The Attraction Game: How Relationships Form"

    • […] After this process, you should see them with clearer, compassionate eyes, no longer keeping them stuck in old, irrelevant judgments. What comes next is up to you. Forgiving them in-person isn’t integral to the process, but optional, because you’ve already done the necessary work to move forward. If the person is still alive, what we can trust is that if it’s a relationship in your best interest, your love and forgiveness will attract them back to you in a more wholesome, enlightening way. However, you must stay in this place of love or you’ll fall back into playing victim. And, like attracts like. […]

    • […] are a few heavy reads; think: Ayn Rand on spirituality). There’s just some material we’re energetically a match for and some we’re not. Everyone will interpret the concepts differently and take what they […]

    • […] If the person is still alive, what we can trust is that if it’s a relationship in your best interest, your love and forgiveness will attract them back to you in a more wholesome, enlightening way. However, you must stay in this place of love or you’ll fall back into playing victim. And, like attracts like. […]

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